Other People's Opinons of You are None of Your Dang Business!

Truth be told I have been thinking about this topic and blog post for a few months now; I’ve even written it a few times in my head but just never made the time to sit down to actually type it out. Well with it being 2025 and trying to hold myself accountable to the things I say I am going to do – let’s see if I can actually write something that is half as good as the ones I’ve written in my head (everyone knows those are the best and then you can never remember them after).

This is a topic that comes up quite a bit – other people’s opinion of you. Whether its people giving you feedback (constructive or not), people sharing their opinions with you or people talking about you behind your back. Regardless of how it happens, sometimes it is hard and frankly just sucks to hear. When people focus on your behaviours it can be easier to take – but when they comment or even attack your character as a person, that stings a bit. Or it stings a lot and can really hurt your feelings. You may even start questioning yourself as ask yourself if you really are those things people are saying about you.

The reality is, just as the title says, other people’s opinions of you are none of your business! People’s opinions are their own beliefs and are often a projection of their own feelings and insecurities about themselves. Does it make it hurt any less? Nope. Does it change anything about you? Also nope. Just because someone says something negative about you does not mean that it is true – it is their opinion! In certain situations I can be quiet and not talk a lot and someone may say that I am a quiet person when in reality I am loud and can talk someone’s ear off! The hard part is coming to terms with who you are as a person and knowing that no matter what someone says about you, at the end of the day who are you doesn’t change. People aren’t always going to like you and that is okay – if you were honest with yourself you’d realize that you do not like everybody either. When you’re secure in who you are, or even understanding who you are, Joe’s opinion of you as opinionated or quiet or loud or whatever it is doesn’t change anything. Sure it may hurt for a bit because someone is attacking your character – but after that initial sting you realize that in the grand scheme of things it does not matter and you know who you are as a person and that doesn’t change just because Joe says something.

Only so many people in life will get to see who you really are as a person – so if someone who is not in your inner circle is making comments about you, do they even really know you? Again if it is someone in your inner circle making comments about you it may be an opportunity to reflect on what they are saying and if it sits true for you – if it doesn’t and there are no others in agreement then maybe it is time to clean out your inner circle. But that’s a topic for another day.

I get it, it is hard when people are talking about you and are trying to tear you down in order to make themselves feel better. Heck you may even get mad when you find out that someone has described you in a way that goes against your morals, values and character (been there!). Your feelings are valid – it’s a matter of knowing that the things that other people are saying about you do not have to impact you beyond a brief moment.

You may be reading this and think well that’s great if you know who you are as a person and feel secure in that, but what if you don’t? What if you’re still looking for external validation from others to determine your value and worth? Start small – make a list of all the things you know about yourself to be true; the good the bad and the ugly. Write out your characteristics i.e. honest, good cook, loud, good friend, loyal, hardworking, stubborn etc. Once you have your list it is easier to get to know who you are as a person – what things are important to you and how do you choose to live your life. Then make another list of all the people’s opinions you ACTUALLY care about and respect when it comes to you as a person. I’m not talking about your bosses opinion about you as an employee, I am talking about the people that you respect their opinion of you. This may be your spouse, children, a close friend, a family member etc. The surprising thing is that this list is really small for most people. For myself personally my list contains four people and one of those is myself!

Its realizing that you are going to come across many people in this life and a lot of those will not like you – not because something is wrong with you, just simply because you do not align with them. I know I have met people who are lovely people, and are kind and nice but they just aren’t my people. If they aren’t my people then I am not going to be concerned with their opinion of me.

Now let me clarify – just because you aren’t putting a lot of weight into someone’s opinion of you does not mean that you are walking about being a jerk. It means you are being your authentic self and living your life the way you want and are not allowing others opinions to influence the way you feel about yourself.

If we allowed every opinion about ourselves, that we hear or find out about, to influence who we are as people and how we feel about ourselves, well everyone would be miserable and no one would have even the slightest idea who they are because everyone’s opinions are different.

I remember driving in southern Manitoba with my mom and we were talking about things happening amongst my friend group while I was in University and I told her “People are going to talk about me no matter what I do, so I might as well give them something to talk about” and that statement has become something that I try to live my life by. Some people aren’t going to like me no matter what I do and that is okay – I am going to focus on being myself and living my life because then those people who need to criticize others to make themselves feel better will always have something to talk about.