Mom Guilt: Why It Happens and What You Can Do About It – A Psychologist’s Perspective

 “Am I doing enough for my child?” “Why do I feel bad for needing a break?” “I should be grateful...so why do I feel overwhelmed?”

If you’re a mom and these thoughts sound familiar, you’re not alone. The emotional weight that many mothers carry—often referred to as mom guilt—is one of the most common themes I encounter in therapy. From new moms to seasoned parents of teens, the pressure to “get it all right” can feel relentless. As a psychologist, a mother, and a listener to many mothers’ stories, I want to unpack what’s really behind mom guilt—and how you can start to lighten the load.

What Is Mom Guilt?

Mom guilt is the nagging feeling that you’re falling short as a parent, even when you’re doing your best. It can show up in everyday decisions—like sending your child to daycare, taking time for yourself, or even feeling frustrated or exhausted.

Psychologically, mom guilt often stems from internalized societal expectations, unrealistic standards, and perfectionistic thinking. We're bombarded with messages (both subtle and overt) about what a “good mother” looks like: always present, always patient, always self-sacrificing. But these ideals are not only unattainable—they’re unsustainable and unrealistic.

Where Does It Come From?

1. Society & Social Media

Modern motherhood is often idealized in media. Social platforms can be breeding grounds for comparison, where curated images of smiling families create a false sense of what’s “normal.” It’s easy to feel inadequate when your lived experience doesn’t match the highlight reel. The constant comparison to someone’s one photo on social media to your 24/7. The individuals on Tik Tok telling you what you’re doing wrong when they also have no clue.

2. Attachment and Responsibility

Biologically and emotionally, parents are wired to protect and nurture. For many moms, this creates a powerful sense of responsibility—so much so that anything less than perfection feels like failure. But responsibility is not the same as control. Children are individuals, not projects.

3. Mental Load and Burnout

Juggling childcare, work, home management, and emotional labor without adequate support can create chronic stress. When burnout sets in, guilt often follows—because moms feel they should be coping better, even though their plates are full. Moms have been told that they SHOULD be able to do it all. News flash, you can – but why should you?

Why It’s Important to Address

Unchecked mom guilt can lead to anxiety, depression, resentment, and emotional exhaustion. It can also interfere with your ability to be emotionally present for your child—ironically undermining the very connection you’re trying to preserve.

But here’s the key truth: being a good mother doesn’t mean being a perfect mother. Children don’t need flawless parents—they need attuned, authentic, and emotionally available ones.

5 Ways to Work Through Mom Guilt

1. Challenge the Inner Critic

Notice the voice in your head that says “I should” or “I’m not enough.” Ask yourself: Would I speak to a friend this way? Try to reframe critical thoughts with more compassionate ones, like:

“I’m doing the best I can with what I have.”

2. Redefine “Good Mother”

Instead of striving for perfection, aim for “good enough” parenting—a term coined by psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. A good enough mother meets her child’s needs most of the time, allows room for imperfection, and fosters independence by not doing everything for them.

3. Set Boundaries Without Shame

Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Rest, self-care, and saying “no” when needed models healthy behavior for your children. They learn boundaries from watching you set them. Give yourself a timeout when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed.

4. Normalize Mixed Emotions

You can love your kids and still feel bored, frustrated, or overwhelmed. These feelings don’t make you a bad parent—they make you human. Just because you do not love parenting all the time does not mean that you do not love your children.

5. Seek Connection, Not Comparison

Talk to other mothers in honest spaces—support groups, therapy, or friendships where vulnerability is welcome. Find those friends who do not sugar coat being a Mom; who are also willing to say that it’s already been a day by 7:00 AM and that their kids are also driving them crazy. Comparison isolates; connection heals.

Final Thoughts

Mom guilt is a deeply human response to a role that is both profound and demanding. But guilt doesn’t have to drive your decisions or define your motherhood. With self-awareness, compassion, and support, you can step out of the guilt spiral and into a parenting experience grounded in connection, not perfection.

Remember: You are not failing—you are doing the best job you can. Give yourself some grace. Parenting is hard. 

If you’re struggling with mom guilt and it’s impacting your well-being, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. You don’t have to carry this alone.